Every year around Christmas I suddenly start calling my regular wishes "Christmas Wishes" and I assign a higher cash value to them because I love the smell of money. Here is a list of my Christmas Wishes:
Friday, December 18, 2009
Christmas Wishes
Every year around Christmas I suddenly start calling my regular wishes "Christmas Wishes" and I assign a higher cash value to them because I love the smell of money. Here is a list of my Christmas Wishes:
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Comments On My Blog I Have Deleted
"If I were you I'd stand in front of the mirror naked and laugh for all eternity."
Friday, November 27, 2009
Things Overheard at an Art Opening
"He raised an interesting question about man's relationship to a vulnerable naked woman."
Monday, November 23, 2009
Newly Discovered Books of the Bible
Friday, November 20, 2009
Signs You Might Be Depressed
The winter months are coming up and for a lot of people that means a mental depression is approaching the door step and it's wearing goth makeup and you're like "there's no way I'm letting you in my house." But it's like "I know you can't see it through my puffy blouse but I've been working out all summer and I'll force my way into your house if I have to. So step aside little man." I've made a list of some telltale signs that you might be depressed.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Questions From My Interview With America's Next Top Model
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
FAMOUS HISTORICAL QUOTES
"Bring me the head of Peter Pan."
Saturday, November 7, 2009
How To Turn A Party Into An Orgy
Here is a short list of ways you can turn a house party into an orgy party:
Thursday, October 29, 2009
LOVIN' THE 80'S
They sure don't make things like they did in the 80's, do they? See how many of these 80's trends you remember, then make them define your personality.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Charles Schulz's Diary
"Dear Diary, Today I will start my 50 year comic strip death cry."
"Dear Diary, I wish I had the balls to get my ears pierced."
"Dear Diary, today I drove to Fairmount Indiana and left a flaming bag of dog shit on Jim Davis’ door step while I watched and giggled in his bushes. He definitely saw me."
"Dear Diary, today I got a letter from Bill Kean calling me “Chuck the Fuck.” Big words coming from “Bill the Pill”."
"Dear Diary, I wonder if I should kill off Charlie Brown and Snoopy. My gut says yes."
"Dear Diary, today somebody spray painted the words “Charles Schultz looks at his own defecation after he's done” on the front of my house. I think it’s time to get rid of the bay window on my ground floor washroom. And they spelled my name wrong."
"Dear Diary, I’m in the doghouse with Dick Tracey creator “Chester Gould” because I joked that Dick Tracey looked like a Traced Dick. I probably shouldn't have said that, even though it's kind of true."
"Dear Diary, today Lynn Johnson told me to fuck off. Why doesn’t she fuck off?"
"Dear Diary, today my wife found my photorealistic “when they grow up” peanuts drawings. I think we’re getting divorced. Hold on. I just asked her and she said that's right."
"Dear Diary, today I drew Pigpen without all the dirt, and to my surprise he's a she. And she's hot."
For more of Charles Schulz's newly restored diary entries visit www.grahamwagner.blogspot.com
Illustration by Tim O'brien
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Things That Sound Like Compliments That Aren't Compliments
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
5 Signs That Thanksgiving Is Over
5. Cover of newspaper reads "364 days until next major T.G. dinner: Grits"