Thursday, October 22, 2009

Charles Schulz's Diary

"Dear Diary, Today I will start my 50 year comic strip death cry."

"Dear Diary, I wish I had the balls to get my ears pierced."

"Dear Diary, today I drove to Fairmount Indiana and left a flaming bag of dog shit on Jim Davis’ door step while I watched and giggled in his bushes.  He definitely saw me."

"Dear Diary, today I got a letter from Bill Kean calling me “Chuck the Fuck.”  Big words coming from “Bill the Pill”."

"Dear Diary, I wonder if I should kill off Charlie Brown and Snoopy.  My gut says yes."                              

"Dear Diary, today somebody spray painted the words “Charles Schultz looks at his own defecation after he's done” on the front of my house.  I think it’s time to get rid of the bay window on my ground floor washroom.  And they spelled my name wrong."

"Dear Diary, I’m in the doghouse with Dick Tracey creator “Chester Gould” because I joked that Dick Tracey looked like a Traced Dick.  I probably shouldn't have said that, even though it's kind of true."

"Dear Diary, today Lynn Johnson told me to fuck off.  Why doesn’t she fuck off?"

"Dear Diary, today my wife found my photorealistic “when they grow up” peanuts drawings.  I think we’re getting divorced.  Hold on.  I just asked her and she said that's right."

"Dear Diary, today I drew Pigpen without all the dirt, and to my surprise he's a she.  And she's hot."

For more of Charles Schulz's newly restored diary entries visit

Illustration by Tim O'brien

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