Every year around Christmas I suddenly start calling my regular wishes "Christmas Wishes" and I assign a higher cash value to them because I love the smell of money. Here is a list of my Christmas Wishes:
I wish my real parents were Amazon.com and ebay.
I wish I never have to perform CPR on an old gross dog.
I wish that nobody ever walks in on me while I'm changing.
I wish for ten more wishes.
I wish that people can't read my thoughts. I really hope they can't.
I wish that time is linear so that when I die I don't have to do everything again backwards. Especially the bathroom stuff.
I wish my neighbor would knock it off!!!
I wish the variety store was next to my house.
I wish a chocolate bar right now.
I wish... wait... my neighbor knocked it off. About time.
I wish all my friends from grade six didn't hate me from then on.
I wish I was born a long time ago so I could kill a redhead and not be frowned upon like what happened to a guy I'm in contact with over the internet.
I wish I had my old rave clothes still. Say what you will about how they look, but a guy I sort of knew from school borrowed them off me and O.D.'d in them so they're kind of special.
I wish what happened in Vegas had not followed me home from Vegas in his car.