Christmas Wishes

Every year around Christmas I suddenly start calling my regular wishes "Christmas Wishes" and I assign a higher cash value to them because I love the smell of money.  Here is a list of my Christmas Wishes:

I wish my real parents were Amazon.com and ebay.

I wish I never have to perform CPR on an old gross dog.

I wish that nobody ever walks in on me while I'm changing.

I wish for ten more wishes.

I wish that people can't read my thoughts.  I really hope they can't.

I wish that time is linear so that when I die I don't have to do everything again backwards.  Especially the bathroom stuff.  

I wish my neighbor would knock it off!!!

I wish the variety store was next to my house.

I wish a chocolate bar right now.

I wish... wait... my neighbor knocked it off.  About time.

I wish all my friends from grade six didn't hate me from then on.

I wish I was born a long time ago so I could kill a redhead and not be frowned upon like what happened to a guy I'm in contact with over the internet.  

I wish I had my old rave clothes still.  Say what you will about how they look, but a guy I sort of knew from school borrowed them off me and O.D.'d in them so they're kind of special.

I wish what happened in Vegas had not followed me home from Vegas in his car.