Friday, November 20, 2009

Signs You Might Be Depressed

The winter months are coming up and for a lot of people that means a mental depression is approaching the door step and it's wearing goth makeup and you're like "there's no way I'm letting you in my house."  But it's like "I know you can't see it through my puffy blouse but I've been working out all summer and I'll force my way into your house if I have to.  So step aside little man."  I've made a list of some telltale signs that you might be depressed.

-Instead of going "Mmmmmmmmm" when you have a spoon full of delicious soup, you just let out a long sigh and whisper "kill me".

-When you go on a tour of the Hershey factory all of your questions are about employee death statistics.  

-You got a lifetime ban from the CN Tower when you tried to jump so hard you'd smash through the plexiglass floor, then you assaulted a security officer and screamed "see you on the other side muchacho."

-You picture your thoughts as being like the lovable characters from Herman's Head, but in your case they are just four rotting corpses waiting for you to demolish their apartment.

-You're single and ready for Pringles.

-You like to talk about your Will all the time, but instead of calling it your Will you call it your Won't; and you don't even have a Won't, you just like being a morbid little baby.

-You roll your eyes sarcastically throughout entire physicals.

-You throw lavish house parties and spend thousands of dollars on wine and food, always saying to your guests "I may die tonight, so I may as well die drinking some good wine!"  You always live through the night, but now all the debt is creating an actual situation.

-You think Ziggy looks like a flesh coloured bomb.

-You look at old photographs of me and think "if Aaron could just go back to that age and do everything different."  Sorry, I meant to say you look at old photographs of YOURSELF and think "if Aaron could just go back to that age and do everything different."  

-You drag your feet the entire walk to go see The Fantastic Mr. Fox.  After it's finished it takes you 40 minutes to motivate yourself to leave the theatre.  

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