Monday, January 25, 2010

Real Life Quotes

Sick and tired of hearing about the great things that great people have said that changed the world forever?  Well read on.  This is a not so great little collection of things that real people just like you have said, why they said them, but not how they said them.  You'll have to imagine the how part, but I think using the provided information you'll probably get it.  Don't quote me on that.

"You'll probably get it."  

-Aaron Eves' blog entry Jan. 25th, 2010

“Two can play this game.”  

-Nintendo’s CEO seeing Mariokart for the first time.  As he found out later, actually four can play this game.


“It sounds like it’s coming from up here.”  

-A woman and her friend just before they discover that the unsettling drafty, howling noise coming from the attic is just her husband hiding out listening to a Great Lake Swimmers album.


“Thanks a lot Mr. Smarty Pants.”  

-World Vision thanking Stephen Hawking for making a more than generous cash donation.


“Oh, thank God.”  

-A man who forgot to feed his cat in the morning coming home at lunch to discover that not only was his little Muffin still alive, but she also seemed to not give a fuck whether or not he was alive.


“I didn’t go to Harvard for this.”  

-Two space men in orbit around earth arguing over the last freeze dried neapolitan ice cream block.


“Mom and Dad gave it to both of us for our Birthday.”  

-Identical twins having another ownership debate.


“I love Nine Inch Nails.”  

-A Marilyn Manson fan.


“I think George Lucas’ CGI additions to the original Star Wars trilogy actually make it better.”  

-George Lucas


“Push me higher daddy!”  

-A little girl hugging her knees and making her father roll her up a hill. 


“I can keep this up as long as you can.”

-A teacher deflecting hundreds of little punches from the “problem kid” in her class.


“You don’t know the meaning of the word pain!”  

-A mother telling her newborn baby all the things he doesn’t know yet.


“I’m going to make you wish you were never born.”  

-A hypnotist getting back at an old high school bully.

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