Friday, May 8, 2015


"You may now forgot to put the laundry in the dryer before I headed out again.  What is wrong with me?"

"You may now remember me?  I was in your 10th grade english class...?  Went to jail for six years after running over the principal's head with my car...?  Laughed for 6 straight hours after I did it...?  I'm free now...?  Any of this ringing a bell?"

"You may don't happen to have five bucks on you, do you?"

"You may now kill the dill.  Your new husband's "the dill", am I right folks?  Folks?  Alright, know what?  I don't need your approval because I know I'm hilarious.  So moving forward with the ceremony, you may now kiss the piss, Miss.  Nothing?  You guys are mental."

"You may now pretend you're me for a second, what car would you get?  I'm leaning toward the Hyandai Accent but might not need that much room."

"You may now tell me the truth, you've had sex already, haven't you?  It's okay you can tell me, I'm cool.  To prove it, let's smoke some weed after the ceremony.  Alright, maybe not that cool, but still pretty cool for a priest."

"You may now look at this picture of me before I lost a ton of weight.  Pass it around.  Can you believe I'm even the same guy?"

"You may now tell me if I should get an earring or if it'd be too "Nick" from Family Ties."

"You may now grab me from behind and I'll show you how to defend yourself.  Okay wait, I screwed it up.  Again, but this time don't grab me there, grab me here.  And slower."

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