LOVIN' THE 80'S

They sure don't make things like they did in the 80's, do they? See how many of these 80's trends you remember, then make them define your personality.

-Jeans With Shit Stains On The Knees

-Cutting The Heel Out Of Your Converse And Wearing Them Backwards 

-Having A Family Of Rats Living On You.  (Especially Cool If The Mother Rat Gave  Birth In Your Mouth While You Sang "Shake The Disease")

-Miniature Polo Shirts For Coke Cans

-Soaking Nerds Candy UPC Labels Then Rubbing Them On Your Skin Like Tattoos 

-Displaying A Little Scrunched Bit Of Your Underwear Sticking Out Of And  Caught In Your  Pants Fly

-Slap On Priest Collars

-Walking Around With A Big Box Of Cereal On Your Shoulder

-Gelling Your Hair Into A Bowl Shape And Filling It With New Coke

-Giving Mixed Tapes Full Of Shitty Music To Kids You Hated

-Business Men Getting Into A Small Washroom Stall Together And Power Smelling Scratch 'n Sniff Stickers

-Dead Language Jokes:  What's Not Spoken Anymore And Knocks On Glass?  Biblical Hebrew In The Microwave

-Dad Baby Jokes:  Why Did The One Year Old Father Of Two Cross The Street?  We'll Probably Have To Wait Around Six Months To Ask Him, And Even Then...

-Wearing Your Bra On Top Of Your Clothes Then Hanging Your Breasts On Top Of The Bra But Having Another Bra Worn On Your Breasts Then Covering It All Up With A Baggy Sweater

-Couples Walking With Their Hands In Each Other's Bank Accounts

Charlotte

How I Spent My Weekend:

"Making this image for my application to the Sheridan Animation program."        

 -Ghazali

Charles Schulz's Diary

"Dear Diary, Today I will start my 50 year comic strip death cry."

"Dear Diary, I wish I had the balls to get my ears pierced."

"Dear Diary, today I drove to Fairmount Indiana and left a flaming bag of dog shit on Jim Davis’ door step while I watched and giggled in his bushes.  He definitely saw me."

"Dear Diary, today I got a letter from Bill Kean calling me “Chuck the Fuck.”  Big words coming from “Bill the Pill”."

"Dear Diary, I wonder if I should kill off Charlie Brown and Snoopy.  My gut says yes."                              

"Dear Diary, today somebody spray painted the words “Charles Schultz looks at his own defecation after he's done” on the front of my house.  I think it’s time to get rid of the bay window on my ground floor washroom.  And they spelled my name wrong."

"Dear Diary, I’m in the doghouse with Dick Tracey creator “Chester Gould” because I joked that Dick Tracey looked like a Traced Dick.  I probably shouldn't have said that, even though it's kind of true."

"Dear Diary, today Lynn Johnson told me to fuck off.  Why doesn’t she fuck off?"

"Dear Diary, today my wife found my photorealistic “when they grow up” peanuts drawings.  I think we’re getting divorced.  Hold on.  I just asked her and she said that's right."

"Dear Diary, today I drew Pigpen without all the dirt, and to my surprise he's a she.  And she's hot."

For more of Charles Schulz's newly restored diary entries visit www.grahamwagner.blogspot.com

Illustration by Tim O'brien

Things That Sound Like Compliments That Aren't Compliments

*Sexy Bathroom Eyes

*You Make Me Want To Be A Sweater Person

*Gumdrop Hair

*Legs That Won't Quiet

*Friendly Bubble Face

*Talking Pig With A Wiggle In Her Trot

*Butt Like A Grenade 

*Check Out That Mooshy Butt

*You Look Young For Your Saggy Body

*Nice Wheels (to a woman in a hovercraft)

*How Much Would A Person Like You Weigh?

Message for Devon

5 Signs That Thanksgiving Is Over

5.  Cover of newspaper reads "364 days until next major T.G. dinner: Grits"

4.  Nobody is saying "Put your entire Playboy collection away, it's thanksgiving."

3.  You invite people over for thanksgiving dinner and they all tell you to fuck off.

2.  Toilet is clogged with turkey bones.  I guess you can't flush them?

1.  Your pillow is covered in cute little "gravy tears".

Last Halloween

I had a major disaster last Halloween when I went out dressed as Captain Picard with ten scratches on his neck from fighting an alien on a planet.  At the last minute I decided to add a cool scar on my neck, but everybody at the party agreed that aesthetically the "scar wrecked the neck's ten abrasions."