Friday, January 15, 2010

My Favorite Greetings

How's up?  I really like bumping into people on the street, but my favorite part of the interaction is hearing their choice of greeting.  In no particular order, here is a short list of some of my favorite greetings.



"How's it going?"

"What's Up?"

"Well, well, well.  Who do we have here?"

"Hey guy."


"Hey Aaron, long time no see.  You look like you're hiding something."

"Aaron?  Sorry, you look so different I couldn't tell if it was you.  It's like you've aged 10 years in 2."

"What's the password?"

"Were you followed?"

"Are you a cop?"

"Frisk him, I'm not going to let another "yesterday" happen."

"Right this way Mr. Blank.  Your usual booth?  Are you expecting company or will it just be you and Miss... I'm sorry I didn't catch your name.  Yes sir, yes sir.  My apologies.  You are correct sir.  My own affairs.  Absolutely.  Yes.  Yes.  You are correct sir, I am a worthless mud creature.  Yes.  I agree.  I should die alone in a bog.  Yes, only flies will attend my funeral."

"You got the dough?  There you are, it's been a pleasure doing business with you Mr. uh... I didn't catch your name.  Blank?  Mr. Blank.  I like that.  Well, I'll just let myself ou...  Hey what is this?  Is this a SET UP?  IS THIS A GODDAMNED SET UP?!  You son of a bitch!  I trusted you!  I TRUSTED YOU!!!"  *

*followed by loud gunshots and screaming

"Bet you didn't expect to see me alive again, did you?  It's amazing how self sufficient the human body can be when it needs to.  Stop pretending you don't know what I mean by that."

"Hello Mr. Eves, did you enjoy the ride?  You look surprised that I know your real name.  Let's just say it's amazing the things Mr. Locke will say when you put a jelly fish near his face.  Welcome to your final resting place, I hope you're comfortable because you'll be spending all of eternity here so get comfortable now because you'll be here forever so I hope you're comfortable.  Good bye."  

1 comment:

  1. Yay! I got mentioned in the funny-man's thing! Funny people.