tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1559620392675509792024-03-13T16:08:03.900-07:00Aaron Eves Types WordsThis is a place for me to humiliate myself.Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-81891039793233853632015-05-11T18:36:00.002-07:002015-05-11T20:31:51.240-07:00Things I've Said Right Before Taking Garbage to the Curb<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFP141s67pfSqU9P4nPwUlllAj87ko9MyyfBDmdyrqPJSzyLjmiafHuuK63KNw16vWC-U2VBTifWdSxyQkfnhs45UvB_hyphenhyphenn7lNaircufyhukaGuGT7HPYkKUpAUfupHpgJAzoAUNoSp52q/s1600/Garbage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFP141s67pfSqU9P4nPwUlllAj87ko9MyyfBDmdyrqPJSzyLjmiafHuuK63KNw16vWC-U2VBTifWdSxyQkfnhs45UvB_hyphenhyphenn7lNaircufyhukaGuGT7HPYkKUpAUfupHpgJAzoAUNoSp52q/s320/Garbage.jpg" width="284" /></a></div>
We all have to say <i>something</i> right before taking garbage to the curb, right? Well, here's a list of things I'VE said right before taking garbage to the curb.<br />
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"Shit." *<br />
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"Shit." *<br />
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"Shit."<br />
<br />
"Shoot."<br />
<br />
"Shit." *<br />
<br />
"Shit."<br />
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"I'll take out the garbage in just a sec, but first I want you to promise me you'll never tell another living soul about walking in on me frenching the OK Computer CD hole."<br />
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"Shit."<br />
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"Shit."<br />
<br />
"This is bullshit." *<br />
<br />
"Shit."<br />
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*<i>muttered under breath</i><br />
<br />Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-77051452120177505442015-05-08T12:40:00.002-07:002015-05-08T12:53:13.046-07:00THINGS PRIESTS HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SAID INSTEAD OF "YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE"<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA5UOKzXlo_FzZKtjmbJM_qi815KK4Zibh60-pHZkBwR3W6fBwSXWvGssvGVMoowmhzazFvtjLRtPbSKC-lpS98jt4bn_8jBhZbG7NO-yuK3aRm3GJhR9nTt2Uy6IE3vlx1D4xQU2rQCGE/s1600/Punk+Priest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA5UOKzXlo_FzZKtjmbJM_qi815KK4Zibh60-pHZkBwR3W6fBwSXWvGssvGVMoowmhzazFvtjLRtPbSKC-lpS98jt4bn_8jBhZbG7NO-yuK3aRm3GJhR9nTt2Uy6IE3vlx1D4xQU2rQCGE/s320/Punk+Priest.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
"You may now forgot to put the laundry in the dryer before I headed out again. What is wrong with me?"<br />
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"You may now remember me? I was in your 10th grade english class...? Went to jail for six years after running over the principal's head with my car...? Laughed for 6 straight hours after I did it...? I'm free now...? Any of this ringing a bell?"<br />
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"You may don't happen to have five bucks on you, do you?"<br />
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"You may now kill the dill. Your new husband's "the dill", am I right folks? Folks? Alright, know what? I don't <i>need</i> your approval because I <i>know</i> I'm hilarious. So moving forward with the ceremony, you may now <i>kiss</i> the <i>piss</i>, <i>Miss</i>. Nothing? You guys are mental."<br />
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"You may now pretend you're me for a second, what car would you get? I'm leaning toward the Hyandai Accent but might not need that much room."<br />
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"You may now tell me the truth, you've had sex already, haven't you? It's okay you can tell me, I'm cool. To prove it, let's smoke some weed after the ceremony. Alright, maybe not <i>that</i> cool, but still pretty cool for a priest."<br />
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"You may now look at this picture of me before I lost a ton of weight. Pass it around. Can you believe I'm even the same guy?"<br />
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"You may now tell me if I should get an earring or if it'd be too "Nick" from Family Ties."<br />
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"You may now grab me from behind and I'll show you how to defend yourself. Okay wait, I screwed it up. Again, but this time don't grab me there, grab me here. And slower."<br />
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<br />
<br />Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-32135927907738551882015-05-06T12:08:00.002-07:002015-05-06T18:42:36.844-07:00SPECIFIC GREETING CARDS<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9iMy7O5XVrsNhMTpwZKaL1xEtiss6oP0-Q6c0EsLIDXNtD3hZMRkhf28IVctBTHalCypXjuzQZDr7kL4PzWwu74JgLW_zpYB4Dgigc6A3_DwsoGVeQ9jxtnxmltZBHHOZIS1x0WkRvlMN/s1600/Greeting+Card+Aisle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9iMy7O5XVrsNhMTpwZKaL1xEtiss6oP0-Q6c0EsLIDXNtD3hZMRkhf28IVctBTHalCypXjuzQZDr7kL4PzWwu74JgLW_zpYB4Dgigc6A3_DwsoGVeQ9jxtnxmltZBHHOZIS1x0WkRvlMN/s1600/Greeting+Card+Aisle.jpg" height="238" width="320" /></a></div>
Ever go to buy someone a card but everything at the store is so vague and impersonal you may as well just give them a five dollar bill with the words "I could be anybody and so could you" written on it? Well fret not, I've taken it upon myself to write a list of specific greeting card messages, one for every occasion imaginable!<br />
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<br />
<br />
Heard that thing you invented bit off your fingers. Christ. That's insane.<br />
<br />
Congratulations on jumping the creek! It was a boy who took the leap, but a man who landed on the other side in some mud, slid forward a bit, lost his balance, twisted around and fell face first in dog shit.<br />
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Sorry to hear about your husband and the mysterious circumstances surrounding his freak parachute malfunction. So random. Anyway, you should probably just believe the coroner's report and not look any deeper into the matter because all that's important is I think you're really great ;-)<br />
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Thanks for convincing me that what I'm experiencing is indeed reality and not some video game being played by my mom 8000 years in the future. It really helped.<br />
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Happy 40th, buddy! Can you believe that in just six months time this card is going to be the only proof you ever walked this scorched earth? Like, not even dental records, pal. Think about that the next time you don't invite me to your 40th.<br />
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A quick thank you for the throat tattoo you gave my favourite grandson!<br />
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I want to let you know how sorry I am that I accidentally summoned a demon in our basement, okay? Just, please come home. I've patched up his portal with cement and it's holding up, even against all of his banging as he tries to break through again. Laugh throughout the night all he likes, he's not getting back in. Come home.<br />
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Writing to thank you once again for the present you gave my wife and I (still can't believe we're married!) on our wedding day; really thoughtful of you. This is a little embarrassing to ask so many weeks later but, like, were we supposed to feed them? Because the lovebirds are dead now. Not blaming you, just... the lovebirds are dead.<br />
<br />
Dropping you a line to ask if it was you who went to the bathroom next to my CD shelf? It was somebody. Was it you?Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-13849033291887769642012-08-29T14:08:00.002-07:002015-02-22T12:33:52.728-08:00What I've Been Up To<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhUCWrwxtyPOPTQFRXdTZcuvpFmkn-saDlabXp7YVCJi6FP_nHU0ZGhXc-gJjzUOyfJNs9kmlIfdGcXi5iQO11WwKCBjti8b-boUazSdoPQBTaaYbUnnibZ4D3yBHv0B-jcHVkPTok_R3k/s1600/2+Year+Blog+Anniversary.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhUCWrwxtyPOPTQFRXdTZcuvpFmkn-saDlabXp7YVCJi6FP_nHU0ZGhXc-gJjzUOyfJNs9kmlIfdGcXi5iQO11WwKCBjti8b-boUazSdoPQBTaaYbUnnibZ4D3yBHv0B-jcHVkPTok_R3k/s320/2+Year+Blog+Anniversary.jpg" height="233" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
So I haven't posted here in a couple of years and absolutely none of you have asked why. With that in mind, I thought I'd update you and let you all know what I've been up to. Hope you like reading words.<br />
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<br />
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There's this brown thing on my foot that I look at quite a bit now. I draw a face on it sometimes. It has its own Facebook page with more friends than me, but I'm sure most of them are just making fun of it.<br />
<br />
I spent a full year planning the perfect friend hangout date with this cool new guy at work, but two days before we hung out he had already died of invading somebody's home.<br />
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I've been getting a lot of voice work as the narrator for this christian erotic audiobook series "The Man and the Wife: Face 2 Face".<br />
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I created and drew these characters called "Booger Babies" and there's like, a thousand of them.<br />
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I egged my old high school then hid in the bushes for over a month because every time I was about to take off I thought I heard the cops coming.<br />
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I read a newspaper article about this mob boss who went missing so I grew the same mustache he had and infiltrated his crime organization, running it for a little while. At one point things got so insane I ordered my second in charge be killed. Craziest time of my life.Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-75195466586750375982010-06-16T08:30:00.000-07:002010-06-16T09:52:44.453-07:00Career Blogging<div>Want to find out how to make a living from blogging? In this video I host episode 3 of a 100 part series on how to make your least wild dream come true. </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BWjew9ConJE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BWjew9ConJE&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span><br /></div><div><br /></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-35551998415330192532010-05-12T11:18:00.000-07:002015-02-22T12:50:28.573-08:00Confessions!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPrhSTrqLYpU5gvAm_Tvv9YmCm-9ss1LoCj0gCfKCNW8ZZ6nYV2tSo1e4MbSTBUN6oP1_DFgTb0bjmMWkN87iL2iKvidz4Nds-R8zUFChEuYrGB53NE2psXnLJy6x5NOBKZJ2KInXUlsOL/s1600/Confession.gif" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPrhSTrqLYpU5gvAm_Tvv9YmCm-9ss1LoCj0gCfKCNW8ZZ6nYV2tSo1e4MbSTBUN6oP1_DFgTb0bjmMWkN87iL2iKvidz4Nds-R8zUFChEuYrGB53NE2psXnLJy6x5NOBKZJ2KInXUlsOL/s320/Confession.gif" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470472842366554002" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 317px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 279px;" /></a><br />
Hey, how's it going? Why don't I just die? The reason is so I can tell you about my recent exploits. <br />
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A couple days ago I did a favor for my Priest friend and filled in for him in the confessional booth while he went up north to a lake where "fuckin' nobody is around and you can just run around with no pants." Anyway, I wrote down a bunch of the confessions I heard that day and am now going to break several levels of trust by showing you my favorites. Bon appetit!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
"I sold my wife a fake watch."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I made my desktop wallpaper an image of marijuana."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I transcribed an Adam Sandler sketch from his first CD and showed it to a guy at work."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I smashed my friend's time machine out of jealousy."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Lately my neighbor's been getting on my nerves so I threw a lightbulb at his window because I knew it would scare him but it wouldn't break his window."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"The guy at the Variety Store didn't notice I had brought up a pack of Twizzlers with a V8 fusion and only charged me for the fusion and I didn't correct him."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I wrote the F word on a competitor's Go-Kart wheel."</div>
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"I took a french course for a full year because I had a crush on a married woman. Where did I think it could go? So stupid. And she told me as much."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I refer to my kids as "trolls" to all my friends."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Whenever I get in a fight with my daughter I always call up my Dad and tell him that I wish he was never born so that I was never born so that my daughter was never born." </div>
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"I hid up in a tree and yelled out "conformist" to everybody who walked by."</div>
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"At SEARS this weekend I put my phone number in all the women's jean's pockets that were in the size of the kind of woman I would like to meet."</div>
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"Even though I'm 36, this past Christmas eve I stayed up all night just to see once and for all that Santa doesn't exist. I mean, I know he doesn't exist but just to make FOR SURE for sure. Otherwise I'm just taking other people's word on it and to me that doesn't sound very scientific."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I fired a gun at a cloud and accidentally killed a hang glider."</div>
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"I told a police officer I was speeding because I had diarrhea and he let me go, but the real reason was there was no reason."</div>
Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-7398226008215359262010-04-08T09:49:00.000-07:002015-02-22T12:50:00.036-08:00Email Addresses And Their Passwords<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn42Io4Z41dS8O9zGVvNLM7M4wT5HUZC-ceeLfPo-xD0VWygKoDvk5VN6H5524mIsl5aV4glkXf_dngbYtgTyeCqdo2jqawlNeb0Mw0Xsh4nggO1_lUBqJJoK7D4E0eaC0kHUehJ1nRmNi/s1600/Email+Icon.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn42Io4Z41dS8O9zGVvNLM7M4wT5HUZC-ceeLfPo-xD0VWygKoDvk5VN6H5524mIsl5aV4glkXf_dngbYtgTyeCqdo2jqawlNeb0Mw0Xsh4nggO1_lUBqJJoK7D4E0eaC0kHUehJ1nRmNi/s320/Email+Icon.jpg" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470081869279202194" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 320px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 286px;" /></a>Want an e-mail address and password but feel uninspired? You're probably depressed to the point of no return, but don't fret! Here's a list of ones of those that haven't been done yet! <br />
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Dr_Cohen@turnyourheadtotheleftandbarf.net<br />
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Pass: sillyfart</div>
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<br /></div>
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MisterMuffin@Mmmmmmmuffins.com</div>
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Pass: theblueberryonesareshitty</div>
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<br /></div>
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clubgirl696969@erave.ca</div>
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Pass: glowstick_soother_fuzzypants_blondedredlocks_and_sparkles</div>
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<br /></div>
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Fishinforcompliments@hotmail.com</div>
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Pass: isntthisadumbemailaddress</div>
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<br /></div>
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Stuckinmyhead@music.com</div>
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Pass: whoputtheramintheramalamadingdong</div>
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<br /></div>
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President@footlocker.com</div>
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Pass: morelikeshitlocker_heh_heh</div>
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<br /></div>
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healthnut@workout.com</div>
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Pass: fudgebrowniesundaesaucewithwhippedcreamandsprinkles</div>
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<br /></div>
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fireman@gmail.com</div>
<div>
Pass: imdoingthisjusttobeinthecalander</div>
</div>
Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-76643676654753171462010-04-07T14:13:00.000-07:002010-04-07T15:25:20.806-07:00Ways You Can Tell If Someone's a Cop<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijKPWg294Hd027oDRw17zrR0VnJ9tpCghuRI30671kB-8PDRu2GFEZZNN8kSZKVL4bxObnTPftweyOQwRwNfHUuKKGZBCyUrFJlMu6AdQnM9fa1aYjvL5qzTz-uTci9hrGvJcnhQsLpUKu/s1600/Cop.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 210px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijKPWg294Hd027oDRw17zrR0VnJ9tpCghuRI30671kB-8PDRu2GFEZZNN8kSZKVL4bxObnTPftweyOQwRwNfHUuKKGZBCyUrFJlMu6AdQnM9fa1aYjvL5qzTz-uTci9hrGvJcnhQsLpUKu/s320/Cop.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457523250306165394" /></a>Does it seem like someone you know is a raging asshole? Don't fret, they may just be an officer of the law. Here are some ways you can tell for sure:<div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>When they pull you over for speeding they are in a police car wearing a police uniform.</div><div><br /></div><div>Their husband / wife hates them.</div><div><br /></div><div>They get a boner watching people shoplift. </div><div><br /></div><div>Whenever someone tries to pass a joint to them at a party they say "No thanks, but it's not because I'm a cop or something. I'm not a cop." Then they ask to use a phone and five minutes later the cops show up.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Their google search history includes sites such as "stupid arrested faces", "hot arrested people", "black and white striped form hugging female pyjamas" and "do murderers sleep with cops?"</div><div><br /></div><div>When you're out on a nature walk with them they say "Freeze asshole. Isn't the view stunning?"</div><div><br /></div><div>They tell you that the Police song "Every Breath You Take" is about a cop on a stakeout.</div><div><br /></div><div>When you spit on the ground around them they say "Legally don't ever do that around me again." </div><div><br /></div><div>They say "finally" under their breath when Han Solo gets encased in carbonite, then "oh, come on." when he's freed. </div><div><br /></div><div>Whenever they walk past a pretty girl they say "I'd tase that."</div><div><br /></div><div>When talking about the kind of girl they'd like to meet they say "Nobody too high maintenance, just somebody standard issue."</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-28585586276908011352010-03-10T13:17:00.000-08:002010-03-10T14:49:49.890-08:00Bad Driving Maneuvers<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_Udevm_XpN90YAHEKjW_thY_TFL8qDNrhZXXkh8_DSo-wAfWSUkXuJPxG7-Gmj7DcmVZ5GvyffDhajY8LHUIgszgu7bZUFmPRsfuLXwNiSAB1-HB0CaZKKO0G_5MR5OyHCRDMJXioM08/s1600-h/stuckls8.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_Udevm_XpN90YAHEKjW_thY_TFL8qDNrhZXXkh8_DSo-wAfWSUkXuJPxG7-Gmj7DcmVZ5GvyffDhajY8LHUIgszgu7bZUFmPRsfuLXwNiSAB1-HB0CaZKKO0G_5MR5OyHCRDMJXioM08/s320/stuckls8.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447137519641399138" /></a><div>Have you ever found yourself in outer space in your car? Believe it or not, you are a bad driver then. Here are other sure fire ways to tell if you are the driving equivalent of an idiot. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>- U-Turning when it's not you turn.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Driving a Me Crazy on a road designated for cars and trucks.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Slamming on the brakes while transporting wobbly ice cream cones.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Pretending your car is a turd.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Only driving North.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Mistaking the Sun for an all day amber light.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Following a bee. Into the hive. Becoming a drone. </div><div><br /></div><div>- Honking exclusively when you're horny</div><div><br /></div><div>- Signaling only when you think it's "cool" to do so.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Trying to make crossing guards laugh by nudging kids into the middle of the intersection with your SUV.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Trying to even out that flat wheel by putting a drink coaster under it. </div><div><br /></div><div>- Humorously filling your gas tank with Jolt Cola just so when somebody points it out to you you can say "D'oh" in a Homer Simpson voice.</div><div><br /></div><div>- Spray painting the word "Faggot" on the side of your car because for some reason you think vandalism is a tax write off. </div><div><br /></div><div>- When getting a speeding ticket you dump a can of beans out the driver's window so when the police officer walks up to your window you can say "Okay, who spilled the beans that I was speeding?" or "Lick up that slop, piggy."</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-65952239311101395602010-01-29T10:57:00.000-08:002010-02-22T08:59:55.608-08:00Tall Man's Diary Entries<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxCP33ytqjC5Z7-xunLAyKDYlaTfIJFrjZjdQOHSD0PuslhjtP_wiYuA95KEfi5Bj8lYN7Wh-JxXQG7khLvGnnkrtSrQXhEHuAaXmZjqW2w8vOnAiUX5ke2Kz8GDuX4USHCfli8RNNmIpJ/s1600-h/tall_man.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxCP33ytqjC5Z7-xunLAyKDYlaTfIJFrjZjdQOHSD0PuslhjtP_wiYuA95KEfi5Bj8lYN7Wh-JxXQG7khLvGnnkrtSrQXhEHuAaXmZjqW2w8vOnAiUX5ke2Kz8GDuX4USHCfli8RNNmIpJ/s320/tall_man.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5441111511526895570" /></a><br />"Dear Diary, where are you? Oh. All the way down there."<div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, today I did a slam dunk and nobody even cared, but then I picked up a quarter off the ground and they were all like "Whoa! I didn't know you could do that."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, was it man or beast that made me?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, today I lost my temper and scattered a cloud with my flailing arms."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, I have a body length only a mother could love. And the good people at Guinness."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, it doesn't help that I have stubby toes."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, if I'd been the first one on the moon I woulda said sumthin' like "One giant step for man, one giant leap for mankind, which is still only a small step for me."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, they didn't say anything at the store, but I think my necktie is actually an old curtain."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, thankfully that scare this morning was just snow and not grey hair."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, I'm seriously considering jumping into space."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, if you took all the leg bones out of my body and lined them up end to end they would wrap around the world three times, and yet I cry at the end of a good film just like all the normals."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Dear Diary, I got another rejection letter from Webster's for my submission of the word "Tootall"."</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-22275228116732843262010-01-28T11:45:00.000-08:002010-01-28T12:46:12.682-08:00New Charlie Kaufman Movies In Production<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvDyEjDRBheibwIKh29TsiBopU8iq0nqqXBX-HgJ8yNpsDh8vUujvl0fQbg72eS6VEIRntXgZ273df1wb5vgHspIyJscbgP91g0bKrMEnPM7KkbtMqpeneyiPwMBdrG4_-uEQKZl_WGAQT/s1600-h/Charlie+Kaufman.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 315px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvDyEjDRBheibwIKh29TsiBopU8iq0nqqXBX-HgJ8yNpsDh8vUujvl0fQbg72eS6VEIRntXgZ273df1wb5vgHspIyJscbgP91g0bKrMEnPM7KkbtMqpeneyiPwMBdrG4_-uEQKZl_WGAQT/s320/Charlie+Kaufman.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431893453838684594" /></a><br />As many of you know, I have an uncle who works in Hollywood who gets me all kinds of inside information that you don't have access to. Like did you know that Brad Pitt is really fat but they just paint him completely green and green screen him out of every movie he's in and superimpose this other actor in his place later so that all that's left of Brad Pitt is his acting? <div><br /></div><div>Well I also happen to know the titles of all these Charlie Kaufman (Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, etc.) movies currently in production that I just can't wait to see. Here they are in a very non-particular order:</div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>When In Roman Polanski<br /></li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>If I Had a Nicholson For Every Time…<br /></li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>Murder, She Wray Charles</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Being Martin's Shorts<br /></li></ul><div><br /></div><ul><li>Helening for Hunt</li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>This Monkey’s Gone To Kevin (Spacey)<br /></li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>I Wish I Was in Oscar Wilde’s Weiner<br /></li></ul><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><ul><li>Sinchslytrwoiqbvcmzaiopwpanzmcxnbvnbzvfg, New York</li></ul><br /><ul><li> <o:p>In a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a</o:p></li></ul></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-39284323092829988092010-01-25T08:09:00.000-08:002010-01-25T14:11:44.127-08:00Real Life Quotes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUB301MBOjXei_mzhfsEDUThKoF4VoqjmAUrDGB94c7lFaOd25eDOXKHfRIqvm1akk4KeZJxLjWLn8C-0_sarRcYmD4NHlmZ9u5gcL_eyztizs5zk33fnNn4qzpOcMd-PaYdZQn8IVoO-f/s1600-h/quotation+marks.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 228px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUB301MBOjXei_mzhfsEDUThKoF4VoqjmAUrDGB94c7lFaOd25eDOXKHfRIqvm1akk4KeZJxLjWLn8C-0_sarRcYmD4NHlmZ9u5gcL_eyztizs5zk33fnNn4qzpOcMd-PaYdZQn8IVoO-f/s320/quotation+marks.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430795381012972050" /></a>Sick and tired of hearing about the great things that great people have said that changed the world forever? Well read on. This is a not so great little collection of things that real people just like you have said, why they said them, but not how they said them. You'll have to imagine the how part, but I think using the provided information you'll probably get it. Don't quote me on that.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"You'll probably get it." </div><div><br /></div><div>-Aaron Eves' blog entry Jan. 25th, 2010</div><div><br /><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal">“Two can play this game.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun:yes">-Nintendo’s CEO seeing Mariokart for the first time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As he found out later, actually four can play this game.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“It sounds like it’s coming from up here.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-A woman and her friend just before they discover that the unsettling drafty, howling noise coming from the attic is just her husband hiding out listening to a Great Lake Swimmers album.<br /></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Thanks a lot Mr. Smarty Pants.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-World Vision thanking Stephen Hawking for making a more than generous cash donation.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, thank God.” <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-A man who forgot to feed his cat in the morning coming home at lunch to discover that not only was his little Muffin still alive, but she also seemed to not give a fuck whether or not he was alive. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I didn’t go to Harvard for this.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-Two space men in orbit around earth arguing over the last freeze dried neapolitan ice cream block.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Mom and Dad gave it to both of us for our Birthday.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-Identical twins having another ownership debate.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I love Nine Inch Nails.”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-A Marilyn Manson fan.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I think George Lucas’ CGI additions to the original Star Wars trilogy actually make it better.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-George Lucas</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“Push me higher daddy!”<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-A little girl hugging her knees and making her father roll her up a hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“I can keep this up as long as you can.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">-A teacher deflecting hundreds of little punches from the “problem kid” in her class.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">“You don’t know the meaning of the word pain!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">-A mother telling her newborn baby all the things he doesn’t know yet.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <span style="Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-USfont-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“I’m going to make you wish you were never born.”</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-USfont-family:";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">-A hypnotist getting back at an old high school bully.</span></span></span></div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-35537097978832101672010-01-15T11:14:00.000-08:002010-01-15T13:42:09.673-08:00My Favorite Greetings<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-fpkbbQ0LX4ioq8bN1B-GM-CoHSolmYjYLnFFHA_bejb_dnrUKZsoiCqURhFVIIn_bry031c7s_VNyRg4oiWp_QZfPxgLBtb2ZcXZkMi-th2FatGwatEusvlEpqvvWnibPKZDMd5lQyvy/s1600-h/Wave+Hello+Amy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-fpkbbQ0LX4ioq8bN1B-GM-CoHSolmYjYLnFFHA_bejb_dnrUKZsoiCqURhFVIIn_bry031c7s_VNyRg4oiWp_QZfPxgLBtb2ZcXZkMi-th2FatGwatEusvlEpqvvWnibPKZDMd5lQyvy/s320/Wave+Hello+Amy.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5427058955424326338" /></a>How's up? I really like bumping into people on the street, but my favorite part of the interaction is hearing their choice of greeting. In no particular order, here is a short list of some of my favorite greetings.<div><br /></div><div><br /><div><br />"Hello."<div><br /></div><div>"Hi."</div><div><br /></div><div>"How's it going?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"What's Up?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?"</div><div><br /></div><div><div>"Hey guy."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Hi-O."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Hey Aaron, long time no see. You look like you're hiding something."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Aaron? Sorry, you look so different I couldn't tell if it was you. It's like you've aged 10 years in 2."</div><div><br /></div><div>"What's the password?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Were you followed?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Are you a cop?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Frisk him, I'm not going to let another "yesterday" happen."</div></div><div><br /></div><div>"Right this way Mr. Blank. Your usual booth? Are you expecting company or will it just be you and Miss... I'm sorry I didn't catch your name. Yes sir, yes sir. My apologies. You are correct sir. My own affairs. Absolutely. Yes. Yes. You are correct sir, I am a worthless mud creature. Yes. I agree. I should die alone in a bog. Yes, only flies will attend my funeral."</div><div><br /></div><div>"You got the dough? There you are, it's been a pleasure doing business with you Mr. uh... I didn't catch your name. Blank? Mr. Blank. I like that. Well, I'll just let myself ou... Hey what is this? Is this a SET UP? IS THIS A GODDAMNED SET UP?! You son of a bitch! I trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!!!" *</div><div><br /></div><div>*followed by loud gunshots and screaming</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Bet you didn't expect to see me alive again, did you? It's amazing how self sufficient the human body can be when it needs to. Stop pretending you don't know what I mean by that."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Hello Mr. Eves, did you enjoy the ride? You look surprised that I know your real name. Let's just say it's amazing the things Mr. Locke will say when you put a jelly fish near his face. Welcome to your final resting place, I hope you're comfortable because you'll be spending all of eternity here so get comfortable now because you'll be here forever so I hope you're comfortable. Good bye." </div></div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-39118033624083139512010-01-05T06:49:00.000-08:002010-01-13T09:17:39.417-08:00Commercial Slogans From the Vault #1<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinKuyykHqM2miEbF4baeXjcP5P-dTH8FC_ErLr-tseWtsiQr-fOI1WIMITnBGx6MHYmrTuS7_bg2isKCf_EM-eFmXRP0cJhU_7N783XJKQ9xNXrEjZ5AHFKBWXM0VLP0wLFEhhuTVP_Zok/s1600-h/jesus-beer-billboard.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinKuyykHqM2miEbF4baeXjcP5P-dTH8FC_ErLr-tseWtsiQr-fOI1WIMITnBGx6MHYmrTuS7_bg2isKCf_EM-eFmXRP0cJhU_7N783XJKQ9xNXrEjZ5AHFKBWXM0VLP0wLFEhhuTVP_Zok/s320/jesus-beer-billboard.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426274005683096466" /></a><div>Here is the first installment of long forgotten commercial slogans:</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"No you fucking don't." -Eggo Waffles<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Don't eat me because I'm beautiful." -Pantene Shampoo</div><div><br /></div><div>"Why's the beef?" -Wendy's </div><div><br /></div><div>"Food, Folks and Cheques." -McDonald's </div><div><br /></div><div>"I can't tell the difference? Can you tell the difference? Pray for a difference." -ABC Detergent</div><div><br /></div><div>"Melts in your mouth, not on your head." -M&M's</div><div><br /></div><div>"Because you're worth nothing." -L'Oreal</div><div><br /></div><div>"Roliads, splels releief." -Rolaids</div><div><br /></div><div>"Once you pop, you just can't breathe." -Pringles</div><div><br /></div><div>"Strong enough for Cerberus , but made for Orthrus." -Secret Deodorant</div><div><br /></div><div>"The Un-Coola." -7 Up</div><div><br /></div><div>"Skittles, tastes like Rambo." -Skittles</div><div><br /></div><div>"Obey your parents." -Sprite</div><div><br /></div><div>"Bounty, it's the quicker thicker chicker picker upper." -Bounty</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-58212539615608295802010-01-02T10:28:00.000-08:002010-01-02T18:03:20.470-08:00Wild New Years Party<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYSd10m7a1QesEmJBWhJ7VuLKNtWQ4TkPWN9d8quLnIu8ZPGx2S4da9Y8U9WixQk5P_bWw6Zq7yszn7zogKmfSFhR-nUDvtwxPW1Vp5_vqVtTR9jQVqrdtzQjbjin3UkjxEBlNMtbrGBq_/s1600-h/happy-new-year004-800.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYSd10m7a1QesEmJBWhJ7VuLKNtWQ4TkPWN9d8quLnIu8ZPGx2S4da9Y8U9WixQk5P_bWw6Zq7yszn7zogKmfSFhR-nUDvtwxPW1Vp5_vqVtTR9jQVqrdtzQjbjin3UkjxEBlNMtbrGBq_/s320/happy-new-year004-800.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422230498007763202" /></a><br />I know not all of you could make it this year so I'll just fill you in on what went down at the AMAZING new years party at my place. WARNING!!! IT WAS AN AWESOME PARTY!!!<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Tim made a "jube-jube tea". Siiiiiiiiiiiiick!</div><div><br /></div><div>During the 10 second countdown to new years Jeff acted like he was drunk (he couldn't drink that night because he had to be in at work the next morning).</div><div><br /></div><div>Megan did a little dance.</div><div><br /></div><div>Alison went home early because she's manic depressive.</div><div><br /></div><div>Martin put on a bunch of my after shave and kissed my girlfriend in the dark.</div><div><br /></div><div>Somebody smashed my toilet and carved a little swastika in the corner of my mirror. Same person? </div><div><br /></div><div>The corner of my bedroom carpet was ripped up (looks intentional). </div><div><br /></div><div>All of my mugs were stolen even though I hid them in my attic before everybody arrived. This is especially annoying because I specifically hid them so this wouldn't happen.</div><div><br /></div><div>Somebody wrote the "F" word on the playing surfaces of all my DVD's except for "Fight Club" and "Seven" which they simply stole.</div><div><br /></div><div>My car was jokingly blown up by some guys I didn't invite.</div><div><br /></div><div>My dog got scared by the explosion and attacked my flatscreen TV I just bought myself for Christmas. Damage not covered by warranty. </div><div><br /></div><div>A body outline was painted on my bed sheets in the exact spot where I sleep every night. Right next to the outline was a bunch of empty bottles of "uppers" and "downers" and a fake suicide note supposedly written by me. Ha ha you guys. Very funny.</div><div><br /></div><div>My shampoo bottle was filled with Anti-freeze and my conditioner bottle with bleach. </div><div><br /></div><div>My garage door has a half dozen bullet holes in it, which doesn't matter much since it was also bent in half and ripped off its hinges. </div><div><br /></div><div>All the remaining pages of my Autograph Book were supposedly signed by Michael Jackson and Kurt Cobain. </div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-39997584755471761892009-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:002009-12-18T14:40:09.359-08:00Christmas Wishes<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtd6tWURdviIoe3emKuFb619FOzNxMsUg0qHwS8u4uA04LehMF84J9XEDF3BJDzYh9KsmWHvh3z2zeT16pYXICHaAHiM7y9QcAIhGfMBPzchiqS73kxA02xhEqtzuccrFmBhCSrqYlFhgv/s1600-h/santa_claus.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 316px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtd6tWURdviIoe3emKuFb619FOzNxMsUg0qHwS8u4uA04LehMF84J9XEDF3BJDzYh9KsmWHvh3z2zeT16pYXICHaAHiM7y9QcAIhGfMBPzchiqS73kxA02xhEqtzuccrFmBhCSrqYlFhgv/s320/santa_claus.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5416708534733825282" /></a><br />Every year around Christmas I suddenly start calling my regular wishes "Christmas Wishes" and I assign a higher cash value to them because I love the smell of money. Here is a list of my Christmas Wishes:<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I wish my real parents were Amazon.com and ebay.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I never have to perform CPR on an old gross dog.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish that nobody ever walks in on me while I'm changing.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish for ten more wishes.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish that people can't read my thoughts. I really hope they can't.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish that time is linear so that when I die I don't have to do everything again backwards. Especially the bathroom stuff. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wish my neighbor would knock it off!!!</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish the variety store was next to my house.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish a chocolate bar right now.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish... wait... my neighbor knocked it off. About time.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish all my friends from grade six didn't hate me from then on.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I was born a long time ago so I could kill a redhead and not be frowned upon like what happened to a guy I'm in contact with over the internet. <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I had my old rave clothes still. Say what you will about how they look, but a guy I sort of knew from school borrowed them off me and O.D.'d in them so they're kind of special.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish what happened in Vegas had not followed me home from Vegas in his car.</div><div><br /></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-3360166330747937642009-12-01T12:54:00.000-08:002010-01-15T08:40:05.855-08:00Comments On My Blog I Have Deleted<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1zNHLcO7JNTK7FGtCtFSgoTP1UeuoZ5zt0UpZg_uG-aXmyirjnz93tR1JCuEQujUuILwlc-98jUZgJlQ7Y4jdFCwP195LVqsU5wFab2EAz8O0atkX8vP2w7VkvWl0P4J4WRGcCIPavIcZ/s1600/Comment.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 222px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1zNHLcO7JNTK7FGtCtFSgoTP1UeuoZ5zt0UpZg_uG-aXmyirjnz93tR1JCuEQujUuILwlc-98jUZgJlQ7Y4jdFCwP195LVqsU5wFab2EAz8O0atkX8vP2w7VkvWl0P4J4WRGcCIPavIcZ/s320/Comment.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410400712560594306" /></a><br />"If I were you I'd stand in front of the mirror naked and laugh for all eternity."<div><br /></div><div>"You want to know why nobody reads your blog? Not me. I don't want to know <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">anything</span> about you."</div><div><br /></div><div>"After I read this I thought to myself "What would I write in the comments section under this post if a guy jumped out of my laundry hamper and put a gun to my head and said I had to?" Guess what happened right after I thought that?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Do people even bother to leave comments for you at all? I wouldn't."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Webster's Dictionary defines a comment as <span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px; font-family:'Times New Roman';"><strong style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; color: black; font-size: 0.9em; ">:</strong> a celestial body that appears as a fuzzy head usually surrounding a bright nucleus, that has a usually highly eccentric orbit, that consists primarily of ice and dust, and that often develops one or more long tails when near the sun. So how exactly would I leave one of those, stupid?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"When you click on enough links from porn sites the trail always leads to this blog."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"Of all the stupid, worthless blogs I've read this one was the best. I still hated it though. Good job. Idiot. Ha ha. But really. Keep it up. And die."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"I had my dog sniff my computer screen when your blog was up then I set him loose at the side of the highway. He's coming for you asshole!" -Duke Basil Worthington of Nottingham, England</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"Oh cool, you're dumb."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"You know what would be better than your blog jokes? What I'm writing right now which isn't even a joke. Why don't you just post this?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"This blog is the kind of thing they would eat or have crawl all over them on Fear Factor."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 20px;font-family:'Times New Roman';">"Don't quit your jay dob." -Jay Dob</span></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-58424588954341197822009-11-27T06:43:00.000-08:002009-11-27T15:09:17.917-08:00Things Overheard at an Art Opening<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg_LwdScmMcFVkjmiZmWKdjfhsNFvzhswomW4dV4JHASzGGG_gWNZ-33lTvl-mITfhcT5rzeHsJ2RE1kOz6EDiz9oSvmtA1RXLDy6laAhJO_0rZcKZ7jXSnmONlyKpvQ9nBbb97WPfUoh/s1600/Art+Show.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtg_LwdScmMcFVkjmiZmWKdjfhsNFvzhswomW4dV4JHASzGGG_gWNZ-33lTvl-mITfhcT5rzeHsJ2RE1kOz6EDiz9oSvmtA1RXLDy6laAhJO_0rZcKZ7jXSnmONlyKpvQ9nBbb97WPfUoh/s320/Art+Show.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5408830147148418402" /></a><br />"He raised an interesting question about man's relationship to a vulnerable naked woman."<div><br /></div><div>"What do you think he was trying to say with that one that I accidentally fell through and is going to cost me a quarter of a million dollars?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Did you notice that when he mentioned Leonardo DaVinci he made a jerking off motion with his hand?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"I like the way he told me to leave the premises and kicked me out of the building. Just a sec... Hold the exit door open please! There, back in."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Why did he call this one "Angel" when it is clearly a sculpture of a Demon? I feel like I should call the police."</div><div><br /></div><div>"I touched that one to see what it's made of and it's actually a security guard."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Was the guy who was screaming about us not "getting it" and who tore off all his clothes and shot himself in the face the same guy who made this paper mache picnic?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"I told you I knew it was a mirror. Of course I know what I look like! Drop it."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Is that my ex-husband over there? Funny, he never liked art when we were married, but I guess that little whore he's with likes the stuff. HEY JASON! NICE HEAD! Let's hightail it out of here."<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Was that stuff written about me in the bathroom stall part of the show? Did you see it when you went in there right before me?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Okay, you distract everybody then I'll grab it and run. What do you mean it's only a sculpture of a charity donation box to send terminally ill kids to camp?"</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-55562685625878590162009-11-23T19:13:00.000-08:002009-11-25T07:11:14.878-08:00Newly Discovered Books of the Bible<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AzHitdF0xgcxCJRnip0dPVfbOOAcWtL93bS3fdo_cRKDA7ZHRSTbKAInOx-K4mkbFu8o7ci6SboHslnZ3jrp6k99NkmYORnUhUZT7jvQrzBiyaPuHCemPSmv7ySYyYJSp1386rMgDQfV/s1600/neon-bible3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 283px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AzHitdF0xgcxCJRnip0dPVfbOOAcWtL93bS3fdo_cRKDA7ZHRSTbKAInOx-K4mkbFu8o7ci6SboHslnZ3jrp6k99NkmYORnUhUZT7jvQrzBiyaPuHCemPSmv7ySYyYJSp1386rMgDQfV/s320/neon-bible3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5407742552745177986" /></a>They just discovered 5 new books of the Bible that will be included in future printings! Tell your friends you heard it here first then later you'll come back to this website and realize that absolutely everything on it is a joke and you'll feel pretty dumb.<div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>GENESIS 2: THE END OF THE BEGINNING </div><div><br /></div><div>In this recently unearthed book it is written that God's uncle actually won the world in a shady poker game but didn't want to manage it and was thinking of selling it until his wife forced him to give it to his strange nephew God. The story is eerily similar to the "Weird Al" Yankovic film UHF and even includes a passage where God makes a Twinkie wiener sandwich for his bummed out roommate.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>PRE-JUDGES</div><div><br /></div><div>Whereas the book of Judges tells the detailed history of 13 Biblical judges, Pre-Judges tells the significantly less detailed story of a man named Brent who would judge whether or not a movie was going to be any good based solely on sneak peek trailers posted on the Apple website. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>DUET - ERONOMY!</div><div><br /></div><div>A medley of duets about Deuteronomy where it is portrayed as less of a book of the Bible and more of a code word for the nasty. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>CRAIG</div><div><br /></div><div>Referred to in this book more often than not as "Craigers", the book of Craig is about this guy Craig who has a blonde mustache but dark hair. Because of this people think he's a wizard or magician of some kind and come to him for all sorts of advice. The book ends with Craig putting on sun tan lotion and falling asleep on a roof with a joint in his hand. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>REVELATIONS (real ending)</div><div><br /></div><div>This isn't so much an entirely new book as much as it is the true ending of the Bible. According to this recently discovered text you're supposed to get to the end of Revelations like normal, but when you flip the page it reads "FIN ?" On the next page it says "Directed by Jean-Luc Godard". When you close the Bible you will probably sit in silence for a moment or two before going out for coffee with the girl you read it with. The two of you will most likely talk about its meaning and how you liked it because it didn't have a typical Hollywood ending, even though you know full well that you will probably never read it again. When you get home you're going to be really excited because it feels like you're reading and watching things that none of your friends even know about. You'll pick up a copy of Naked Lunch and before you even read a word you know you're going to love it.</div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-48892706566352979172009-11-20T09:01:00.001-08:002009-11-20T15:24:58.329-08:00Signs You Might Be Depressed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiECYjAmwZuxZIJMTTEfiXdHN1smX2q6nBKcN9uDFEzxZF2IssBeMRaZYnBnXtdKO7xRgohI3K6P6VbKSJYWRLsdJb2k7UQO9bqU45mUe-X8fctJgdEHsgk7-IIhyPW4hDqwv5jgcrBvu8N/s1600/Depressed+on+a+Bench.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiECYjAmwZuxZIJMTTEfiXdHN1smX2q6nBKcN9uDFEzxZF2IssBeMRaZYnBnXtdKO7xRgohI3K6P6VbKSJYWRLsdJb2k7UQO9bqU45mUe-X8fctJgdEHsgk7-IIhyPW4hDqwv5jgcrBvu8N/s320/Depressed+on+a+Bench.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5406319507731496706" /></a><br />The winter months are coming up and for a lot of people that means a mental depression is approaching the door step and it's wearing goth makeup and you're like "there's no way I'm letting you in my house." But it's like "I know you can't see it through my puffy blouse but I've been working out all summer and I'll force my way into your house if I have to. So step aside little man." I've made a list of some telltale signs that you might be depressed.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-Instead of going "Mmmmmmmmm" when you have a spoon full of delicious soup, you just let out a long sigh and whisper "kill me".</div><div><br /></div><div><div>-When you go on a tour of the Hershey factory all of your questions are about employee death statistics. </div><div><br /></div><div>-You got a lifetime ban from the CN Tower when you tried to jump so hard you'd smash through the plexiglass floor, then you assaulted a security officer and screamed "see you on the other side muchacho."</div><div><br /></div><div>-You picture your thoughts as being like the lovable characters from Herman's Head, but in your case they are just four rotting corpses waiting for you to demolish their apartment.</div><div><br /></div><div>-You're single and ready for Pringles.</div><div><br /></div><div>-You like to talk about your Will all the time, but instead of calling it your Will you call it your Won't; and you don't even have a Won't, you just like being a morbid little baby.</div><div><br /></div><div>-You roll your eyes sarcastically throughout entire physicals.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-You throw lavish house parties and spend thousands of dollars on wine and food, always saying to your guests "I may die tonight, so I may as well die drinking some good wine!" You always live through the night, but now all the debt is creating an actual situation.</div><div><br /></div><div>-You think Ziggy looks like a flesh coloured bomb.</div><div><br /></div><div>-You look at old photographs of me and think "if Aaron could just go back to that age and do everything different." Sorry, I meant to say you look at old photographs of YOURSELF and think "if Aaron could just go back to that age and do everything different." </div><div><br /></div><div>-You drag your feet the entire walk to go see The Fantastic Mr. Fox. After it's finished it takes you 40 minutes to motivate yourself to leave the theatre. </div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-11082973623467735992009-11-19T06:48:00.000-08:002009-11-20T09:01:08.674-08:00Questions From My Interview With America's Next Top Model<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzqbMk1ssj42LDmof4Q5iQUXcAlUzdPnr2n97WsrpX5noAHtZFWEi3HDA0nQfzl8U7fLBU_evW56bDG0yvleaR6h_B1FgUAuwjZxZWcT494wtLfe5mEaOawwZVV6qTH2doOKLUqHLTbOly/s1600/Pin+Up.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzqbMk1ssj42LDmof4Q5iQUXcAlUzdPnr2n97WsrpX5noAHtZFWEi3HDA0nQfzl8U7fLBU_evW56bDG0yvleaR6h_B1FgUAuwjZxZWcT494wtLfe5mEaOawwZVV6qTH2doOKLUqHLTbOly/s320/Pin+Up.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5405841788055436610" /></a><br /><div>I recently interviewed America's Next Top Model for PEOPLE magazine, but due to legal restrictions I can only re-print my questions but not her answers. Sorry guys, you'll have to use your imagination to fill in the blanks. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, take off the magazine cover. Oh! That's your actual face? Coooooooooool.</div><div><br /></div><div>When you guys were filming the show, were you ever not paying attention because you were just thinking about all the money that you were making? <br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So you guys just model tops? </div><div><br /></div><div><div>Okay, I know you can smeyes, but can you smooch? </div><div><br /></div><div>Does beauty run in your family or are you the only one? <br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div>Here's a picture of me and on the back you'll find my phone number. Do you think you're going to dial it up ever?</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay... what would you say the closest major colour to red is? I would say it's orange but I want to hear what you think it is.</div><div><br /></div><div>Do they tell you at the beginning of the season that you've won or is it something you find out at the end?</div><div><br /></div><div>Sorry, do you want me to turn down this music? It's pretty good though, eh? Do you like it? It's actually my band "The Pesky Rascals". Do you want a copy of our CD? </div><div><br /></div><div>Do you have a sister who looks just like you but who it looks like I have a better chance with?</div><div><br /></div><div>If I was the last man on earth... no? </div><div><br /></div><div>What happened to your pants!? A dress?! Of course! How did I forget about those? That's so weird. Honestly I didn't get much sleep last night. A dress. Of course I know what a dress is.</div><div><br /></div><div>You know how models learn to walk by balancing a book on their head? Don't you think it would be harder to balance a single page on your head because it would keep on blowing away?</div><div><br /></div><div>Okay, I want you to finish this sentence for me: "I'm the most flattered when a man I barely know takes me out to ___________ for dinner and gives me ____________ as a little gift."</div><div><br /></div><div>During filming, did you ever try and kill one of the other girls in the competition so you would win?</div><div><br /></div><div> When they told you that you won, did you immediately think of everyone you ever knew who wronged you and picture them dying on the floor while the last thing they see is you winning the competition on TV?<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you for doing this interview?</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-9504259665026728302009-11-11T06:42:00.000-08:002009-11-15T07:20:28.218-08:00FAMOUS HISTORICAL QUOTES<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43-Ll7bEVBjpS_N7rViIiaNFlc3mUGSWf8rahd4-CjRYVXFtUSOwkAJCPtTgrUHb9f61YG2mNyMPXQAMwRhvxAKhB1aimZYRc6dTI3Opz32PQsYQfy7scsxFf7SvYdEbnrzl6QrKLTEdl/s1600-h/AbrahamLincoln.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 236px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43-Ll7bEVBjpS_N7rViIiaNFlc3mUGSWf8rahd4-CjRYVXFtUSOwkAJCPtTgrUHb9f61YG2mNyMPXQAMwRhvxAKhB1aimZYRc6dTI3Opz32PQsYQfy7scsxFf7SvYdEbnrzl6QrKLTEdl/s320/AbrahamLincoln.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402881489699579362" /></a><br />"Bring me the head of Peter Pan." <div>-Gandhi<br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div>"Yeah. Ummmm. Okay. THAT'S normal." </div><div>-Abraham Lincoln <br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div>"You see, I kind of have this method I use for conquering, so I don't really want your help. No 'fence." </div><div>-Napoleon Bonaparte<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"Oh, just shut up." </div><div>-Edith Stein<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"I farted and it smellded." </div><div>-Charles Dickens</div><div><br /></div><div>"Women are indestructible Gods." </div><div>-Amelia Earhart<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>"How much for these President's of the United States Of America CD's?" -Albert Einstein</div><div><br /></div><div>"Wah-Wah sucks." </div><div>-Helen Keller</div><div><br /></div><div>"Vroom, vroom! Weeeeeeeeeee! Ha ha ha! Whooooooooooo!" </div><div>-Henry Ford</div><div><br /></div><div>"I clogged the toilet." </div><div>-Molly Brown</div><div><br /></div><div>"Okay, we've got Orbitz or poisoned Kool Aid." </div><div>-Jim Jones<br /></div></div></div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-4923328480685604312009-11-07T15:31:00.000-08:002009-11-07T17:23:03.672-08:00How To Turn A Party Into An Orgy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS182qB5TtK9PCyYZPd2Ra5uUNft6kniQXBFeq_xB0JmnezRBcSqO8Do_E32BooVTtKqq8YYbiCTqtJIc-YzEUcCS9xOLaxCtWxm0A8v_sKaXZxTOLaYOqHjPJ3lY4OjItpCvHHP01Vl2c/s1600-h/2678442265_d89b5852c2.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS182qB5TtK9PCyYZPd2Ra5uUNft6kniQXBFeq_xB0JmnezRBcSqO8Do_E32BooVTtKqq8YYbiCTqtJIc-YzEUcCS9xOLaxCtWxm0A8v_sKaXZxTOLaYOqHjPJ3lY4OjItpCvHHP01Vl2c/s400/2678442265_d89b5852c2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5401536827559619922" /></a><br />Here is a short list of ways you can turn a house party into an orgy party:<div><br /></div><div>-Wait until one of the girls is showing the rest of the girls her wedding photos then take off your pants and underwear and just stand there waiting for them to notice. It's risky, but imagine it worked!</div><div><br /></div><div>-Go into the washroom, making sure you don't lock the door. Fill the bathtub with lube. Take off your clothes. Get into the bathtub. Scream for help. </div><div><br /></div><div>-Keep on telling everybody you're a virgin. Maybe the whole party will take pity on you and each other at once?</div><div><br /></div><div>-Make a CD full of explosion and rioting noises. Convince the party this is happening outside. Orgy yet?</div><div><br /></div><div>-Cut a finger off and say "I did this so an orgy will happen." They'd have to be heartless to not start one.</div><div><br /></div><div>-Say "I forget, how does an orgy go again?" Then just pucker your lips and nod your head a bunch. If people walk away from you make it look like you were just doing that anyways and do it for the rest of your life wherever you go. </div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-72418794194776200442009-10-29T09:07:00.000-07:002009-10-29T14:36:58.877-07:00LOVIN' THE 80'S<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTzLGsBLjvJ_FXYnxbt_Mtwb0_qrB-5_KUoK0cQwTMD6J9bOexndxTAEhx5xzRm2zsWa55lojXYulobHPWuJw6xecjXOE2foTYGqFR4CYWUBZl3BpX7tBryjPstqXDHDOvn2pxNYjpnt9A/s1600-h/i_love_the_80s_lowres.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 265px; height: 264px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTzLGsBLjvJ_FXYnxbt_Mtwb0_qrB-5_KUoK0cQwTMD6J9bOexndxTAEhx5xzRm2zsWa55lojXYulobHPWuJw6xecjXOE2foTYGqFR4CYWUBZl3BpX7tBryjPstqXDHDOvn2pxNYjpnt9A/s400/i_love_the_80s_lowres.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5398082052243167954" /></a><br />They sure don't make things like they did in the 80's, do they? See how many of these 80's trends you remember, then make them define your personality.<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-Jeans With Shit Stains On The Knees</div><div><br /></div><div>-Cutting The Heel Out Of Your Converse And Wearing Them Backwards </div><div><br /></div><div>-Having A Family Of Rats Living On You. (Especially Cool If The Mother Rat Gave Birth In Your Mouth While You Sang "Shake The Disease")</div><div><br /></div><div>-Miniature Polo Shirts For Coke Cans</div><div><br /></div><div>-Soaking Nerds Candy UPC Labels Then Rubbing Them On Your Skin Like Tattoos </div><div><br /></div><div>-Displaying A Little Scrunched Bit Of Your Underwear Sticking Out Of And Caught In Your Pants Fly</div><div><br /></div><div>-Slap On Priest Collars<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>-Walking Around With A Big Box Of Cereal On Your Shoulder</div><div><br /></div><div>-Gelling Your Hair Into A Bowl Shape And Filling It With New Coke</div><div><br /></div><div>-Giving Mixed Tapes Full Of Shitty Music To Kids You Hated</div><div><br /></div><div>-Business Men Getting Into A Small Washroom Stall Together And Power Smelling Scratch 'n Sniff Stickers</div><div><br /></div><div>-Dead Language Jokes: What's Not Spoken Anymore And Knocks On Glass? Biblical Hebrew In The Microwave</div><div><br /></div><div>-Dad Baby Jokes: Why Did The One Year Old Father Of Two Cross The Street? We'll Probably Have To Wait Around Six Months To Ask Him, And Even Then...</div><div><br /></div><div>-Wearing Your Bra On Top Of Your Clothes Then Hanging Your Breasts On Top Of The Bra But Having Another Bra Worn On Your Breasts Then Covering It All Up With A Baggy Sweater</div><div><br /></div><div>-Couples Walking With Their Hands In Each Other's Bank Accounts</div>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-155962039267550979.post-80157005294269393072009-10-27T08:53:00.000-07:002009-10-27T08:55:23.201-07:00Charlotte<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; white-space: pre; "><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FlLxC3G8U6s&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FlLxC3G8U6s&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span>Aaron Eveshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05479803810198542658noreply@blogger.com0